He lives there... I live here.. it makes things hard, really hard. There have been many times I felt alone because he was there and I am here, but the truth is he could have been here it would have made no difference I am lonely on the inside not the outside, that didn't stop me from raising complete hell about it though. Kinda like many other things. I know that I haven't been easy, I wasn't easy before the accident so I am down right difficult now.
He was the first person there when the accident happened, and for some reason he hasn't bothered to leave yet. He's been there when the only thing I could do was make it to Mathews and basically hide. He's been there through almost 2 years of pure hell and very little happiness. He's been there when I just plain stopped making the trip back to Mathews. He's been there when I completely shut down and refused to talk to him. He deserves more than these simple words will ever show him, but right now it is all I have. Marilyn Monroe once said “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” This guy.. he has totally handled me at my worst and he is still around. He deserves a little of the best.
They say in life we have a person, I have persons, I am blessed that way, but this guy, he is definitely the number one person, even when I am completely livid at him for usually no reason at all, he's still my person. He's the one I tell everything to even when he doesn't want to hear it he still listens. There aren't many people in this world that would say "All I want for MY birthday is for YOU to be better", but he did and he does. I honestly believe that he would give or do anything just to make me better, make me happy again.
So Ed, all I can say is what I have been saying for months, I'm trying. I know it doesn't look like much but I am trying. And for the record, I do know you love me.
Now all you readers tell the man happy birthday he deserves it!
I love you.